Boquete, Panama
Do you want comic relief?
Blogging works best if you do not take it seriously.
By that, I mean committing to blogging from a relaxed mindset. Put in the work. But work calmly without tension. Adding tension makes all go to custard. All falls apart in serious minds. Seriousness is fear. Fear negates.
Anyway, this post pokes a little fun at spammers and bloggers who take spamming seriously.
Enjoy.
Ask How You Are Doing? Then Ignore the Reply and Pitch Your Business
A small legion of genuine bloggers really inquire into my well-being.
Most everyone else wants to snare my attention span to deliver their freelance business services.
Message a pro blogger: “How are you?”
If the individual bites because they believe for an instant that you are a heartfelt, genuine human and not a cold-blooded Reptilian……
……proceed to apologize for the annoying thing that you know is annoying and that precedes your walk of cyber shame…..before you go ahead and pitch your services even though you feel bad about it……but which you kinda know, even though you feel ashamed about it…that you kinda think that a thriving, successful blogger needs your shamed services, that you feel bad about, annoying ’em, because every successful online business rests on the fundamentals of feeling bad about blindly pitching strangers who do not need or want your services……
…..right?
Ask if a Blogger Has a YouTube Channel….Then Tell Him Everything He’s Doing Wrong and How You Are the White Knight to Correct the Situation
To date, only 14,000 YouTube experts have asked me:
“Do you have a YouTube channel?”
Then, when I was a dullard who actually replied with the link, the credible specialists sent me quite creative screen shots revealing my errors, mistakes, metrics, usually with red lettering and coloring, to drill home my ineptitude and of course, their expertise and how they could turn the red into green, I guess.
Introduce Yourself with a Cyber Business Card After a Friend or Connection Request
Friend request someone on Facebook. Connection request someone on LinkedIn.
The moment your profile gets approved, send a friendly introduction engineered to talk 100% about:
- yourself
- your expertise
- your online business
- your services
- how the friend who had the loving kindness to approve your friend request needs you, your business and how you are surprised the individuals ever existed and even breathed free air before meeting such a dear, warm, loving friend who now has the cure for your blogging boogey woogey flu, even though the seasoned veteran blogger has seen this identical approach 45 trillion times over the said blogger’s 16 professional blogging year career
I happily approve these individuals because the approach becomes fodder for my blog which delivers me quality traffic and eyeballs on my online courses and my eBooks.
Follow Up with Someone Who Clearly Ignored You
When someone read your initial blind pitch, follow up once, twice or 3 times within 4 minutes to make sure that, in fact, you have been ignored and that, if you follow up 2 more times over the next 24 hours, you may just begin to uncover the sneaking suspicion that the individual never needed your products and/or services in the first place.
Follow up enough times until folks block you, you burn through another email and social media handle then repeat the process until you need to Halo Drop onto their roof to pitch ’em your online business services.
Publish “War and Peace” Length Donations to the Spam Folder
Write 10,000 word long comments dissecting how your dog has fleas on his dingaling and you have the very solution to that most dastardly of maladies, that being, Dog Pee Pee Fleas.
I am eternally grateful; I never knew that doggies got fleas on their ding dongs in such a massive number. Wisdom goes to the one who figured out that the best way to advertise doggo ding-dong flea syndrome was via comments posted to a blogging tips blog, said comments lasting until the end of time in length.
Tell Everyone This: “I Am an Expert”
The best way to establish your expertise is not to publish thorough content proving your skills, usefulness and truly helpfulness.
Nope.
That’s for suckers.
The ultimate way to establish your expertise is to say this: “I am an expert.”
Make sure to write your own reviews; who’d never be biased, right? Why would you not trust someone who writes their own reviews?
Repeat “I am an expert” roughly 46,000 times daily through:
- profiles
- spam comments
- content
- carrier pigeon
- pony express
- Western Union
- coffee clatches
Keep telling people that you are an expert. Provide zero proof; just tell ’em. Eventually, your approach weaves magical branding juice that would be the object of the Amazing Kreskin’s envy.
The Real Purpose of this Post
I meant what I said at the beginning of the post.
Lighten up.
Laugh at yourself.
I kid because I care.
If you cannot handle getting your balls busted it means that you are taking yourself seriously.
Taking yourself seriously is completely different than being committed to blogging.
A shockingly high number of bloggers struggle, fail and quit because many take being spammed incredibly seriously and set up all types of barriers to reading their blog. Ummm….unless you bathe in Gold Dubloons like Scrooge McDuck, ya kinda need tens to hundreds of thousands of highly targeted readers to visit your blog over the months to thrive. Preventing people from reading or finding your blog prevents millions from finding it.
Being spammed is part of succeeding.
As for spammers, you may have figured out by now: if you want to be handled with kid gloves then Blogging From Paradise is not the place for you. I respect all of you enough to see you as all powerful so when you make silly mistakes for an all powerful being I will tease a bit, bust some chops, have fun with the process and correct you to offer you the fun, freeing, peaceful successful blogging path.
I have zero malice or condemnation in my mind as I write these words. Being arrogant, self-righteous, condemning or deluded is for serious, self-righteous sillies and a guy who owns a laptop, old phone and clothes for the week (all gym clothes at that) is pretty much funny, happy-go-lucky and largely serene, using humor to teach the sleeping minds, for waking up, not to demean.
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