Yangon, Myanmar. I always give to the cloth because it feels good for me. Kelli snapped this image without me being aware.Â
Learning how to communicate with folks who ask for money on the streets while circling the globe feels highly uncomfortable at first.
One part of the mind wishes beggars did not exist to reflect anchor-like guilt back to you.
Another part of the mind wants to save all beggars as the hero of the dream.
In yet other cases, the begging is not really begging, as one surmises from the featured image above. These young monks in Yangon represent the Buddhist school of thinking. Each goes on alms runs to humbly ask for the practical symbols of the world. Desperation is not in their mental fabric. I always give to the cloth because it is the mind extending, not the ego pleading.
But returning to the more apparently grim situations, for almost all Western travelers like myself, experiencing the desperation of a human being begging for money triggers deep, pulsating guilt in the mind. When new to circling the globe, and newer to processing deep emotions, you just feel so bad seeing folks suffer horribly.
I recall a 5 year old tout who followed us for 5 minutes in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. He pleaded, begged and all but attached to Kelli’s leg to goad us to buy one of his books. After doing even a little bit of research I discovered how most of these kids working tourist spots in PP basically work for criminal organizations.
How it goes: parents send small children to work for a pittance as the bulk of the money moves all the way up the ladder to the criminal syndicate heavies.
Knowing this, I resisted the urge to cower to my guilt, smiled, forgave my guilt and kept on moving until the cute kid latched on to another tourist.
Gradually NGO’s have been educating and influencing parents to send kids to school versus the streets in an effort to lessen the trade and to help kids earn more money as they grow older through higher energy operations.
Should you give beggars or desperate touts money?
Before proceeding let me explain why I group beggars and desperate folks selling trinkets together.
Beggar or Desperate Tout?
For the purposes of this post, I will include desperate touts selling low-priced items within the “beggar” category because some folks who beg make far more money than frenzied street sellers.
At the end of the day, both seem to sit in the same boat because each struggles financially in a bad way and may see tourists as the seeming white whale.
Should you give these folks money?
Or should you refrain from giving them money?
Let’s consider the choices.
Give Them Money
Do you feel:
- good
- relaxed
- happy
about giving scrilla to folks who ask for money?
If you do feel good and calm about it simply offer money because the intuitively good feeling benefits you and them.
You feel good about helping someone. The individual feels good about receiving the money.
Both parties win.
What the individual does with the money is their business. You feel good about gifting someone something that the individual feels good to receive. You have zero control over what happens next; leave it be. The seasoned traveler knows how ceding control past a certain point is the key to peace of mind on the road.
Practical Example
I observed a kindly person in Pondicherry, India missing various limbs.
She asked me a bit desperately for money.
I instantly felt good about helping her because realizing that someone missing arms and legs will probably not get a job at a local restaurant, or grocery store, or hotel, framed the money as a vehicle for covering the basics when you lack an arm and a leg and need a practical solution since most employment in Pondicherry is likely out of the picture, for now, at least.
I felt good. She felt good to receive the money.
Giving feels much easier, seamless and productive when fear-guilt rears not its ugly head.
Another example seems to be giving to the cloth. Westerners; this means offering monks alms money or food. But remember to place the money into their pouch or bowl because monks largely do not touch money.
Do Not Give Them Money
Ok guys; notice how the “give them money” section is short and this section is quite long?
Most tourists give money from guilt, or, bad feelings, or, some deep fear in the mind. Subsequently, the giving feels bad, the receiving feels not as good and the money generally contributes to victimizing.
Every individual you give money to possesses an unlimited mind with unlimited power (even the Indian woman above missing limbs) but a huge portion of their mind seems utterly asleep.
Before you gift from Western guilt, remember this truth.
Give practically to empower not guiltily to pity.
Is this easy to do? Hell no. I circled the globe for a good 10 years before identifying my guilt, my tendency to victimize limitless minds and my extreme discomfort with smiling, nodding “no” and moving on.
But do it you must in order to peacefully enjoy travels as you wade through cultures where some believe that begging is the sole way to survive.
1: Gain Experience to Face Your Guilt
Point blank, I felt clear enough to write this post because individuals have begged me for money in dozens of countries over 12 years of circling the globe.
Some appeared to live in grim conditions.
I vividly recall a handful of lepers in India sans toes and fingers, crawling awkwardly on their knuckles, asking for money.
The intuition told me to allow him to be without offering him money. I just felt it.
I felt overwhelmed with guilt until I smiled, nodded “No”, then he smiled back like the Cheshire Cat and crawled on.
Hmmmm…who had the real problem?!
This dude appeared to live in dire straits but radiated joy. I guess everything really is in your mind.
Anyway, individuals with severe deformities in Cambodia, insistent beggars in Costa Rica, and one irate individual in Kathmandu who told me repeatedly that he’d offer a free tour then, after we tried to distance ourselves from him, began yelling at us for not “buying milk and food for his family” (no agreements were made; we tried to evade the man for 30 minutes), all triggered guilt in my mind.
This post can help you decide what to do for yourself but the experience of interacting with deep fear, desperation, rage and hopelessness probes your tender inner weaknesses requiring serious exploring in order to learn how to practically interact with these individuals.
2: Feel Your Guilt-Anger-Annoyance to Release It
Feel guilt. Hug anger. Embrace annoyance. Dive in to shame. Grip at, and hold, embarrassment, to forgive it.
Each emotion can and does arise during encounters with folks who beg in cities, at popular tourist spots or anywhere on the road.
You need to feel and let go the emotions to get past the ideas of completely victimizing someone to the point of abjectly dehumanizing the folks.
I finally began to realize all the horrible emotions experienced during beggar encounters were fear in my mind that I unconsciously projected onto these individuals. Feeling and forgiving the fears lessened the projection. Lessening the projection allowed me to offer money less and less to folks on an intuitive, all-knowing, loving level.
For example, the intuition told me not to give money to the young, fit, able-bodied Indian woman in Chennai forcing her 2 small children to chase me with coloring books, crayons and other highly impractical things to buy in a sweltering environment. My gut told me that she needed to figure things out a bit and it was not the time or place for money-giving, for her long term empowerment. None of these ideas were a harsh judgment; the small, still voice said:
“Don’t do it.”
I only heard the small, still voice more clearly and frequently because I faced, felt and let go deep fears, primarily being guilt, grief and some rage mixed in, too.
3: Smile Politely Nod Your Head “No” And Keep It Moving!
I swear, the faster you move, the more wide and genuine your smile and more subtle the head nod, every seeming beggar or tout literally forgets your existence.
I am really skilled now in moving through with a pleasant smile, a nod “no” then exiting stage left as if yanked that way via Vaudevillian cane.
Do not hesitate. Never delay. Literally, do not look back.
Slowing down, delaying or hesitating are clear invitations for individuals to ask you repeatedly or to even grab you or in one bizarre experience in Kathmandu, for an individual to bite my arm while asking for buttered roll money (This really happened although he was different than the “Mother’s Milk” guy).
Conclusion
I love people.
More than that, I am learning to love the mind and all the stuff it appears to toss at you as you circle and globe and rocket outside of your comfort zone.
Allow your feelings to guide you on this one.
The above post is a practical guide but the intuition always knows the way.
Enjoy your travels as you gracefully wade through the inevitable money-asks that will come your way as you circle the globe.
