Rewind a few decades ago.
I was a security guard.
I also modeled a tiny bit.
After taking off time from my security guard job to meet with an agency I received a casting call offer. The agency told me to be in NYC the following day for a Lee Jeans commercial casting call. The people from Lee Jeans liked my “All American guy” looks.
In that moment, I had a choice to make: either go to the casting call to move toward a modeling career and get fired from my security guard job or be a security guard for the foreseeable future.
I had already taken too many days off for shoots and agency meetings; the shipping terminal is about making hours and if you stop making hours you get the pink slip.
I never called the agency back, did not go to the casting call, kept my pier guard job and eventually became an island hopping pro blogger through a chain of events leading me here.
To date, this has been one of the most important decisions of my life.
Dark Path Awaits
After training intently to be a physique model and doing a few shows I knew that I had the look to make it as a model or actor. One agency picked me out of a crowd in NYC. The scout told me that I had “it”. The sister of a famous Hollywood actress (said sister, who worked out in my gym) told me that she was around movie and TV stars quite a bit and that I definitely had the look that Hollywood loves.
I had no idea; I was somewhat shy, self-conscious, deeply feared rejection and lived somewhat sheltered by my own design.
However, gradually edging into physique modeling revealed a somewhat dark, twisted world that would have been a dark, twisted, sick path for me. Drug use was rampant in physique modeling. Someone tried to recruit me for gay p*rn multiple times, a common path to suicide, overdosing or other wicked ends for aspiring models. Straight and gay men often do p*rn because quite evil, manipulative people attempt to brainwash them into advising that this is the only path to increased fame down the road. The rational; the main stream will never find out (people who control the narrative of the mainstream media have immense worldly power; if you have not figured that one out) and you’ll have earned brownie points in the gay community. I am simply sharing what I experienced, first hand.
More than anything, I experienced the complete and utter illusion that is modeling, acting and entertainment in general. I vividly remember all of these coked-out, straight guys at a modeling show telling the MC that San Francisco was their hometown, hugging and kissing each other, cackling, high out of their mind, trying at all costs to win the modeling show for increased fame. Versus being genuine about their sexual preference and hometown they created a deeper and deeper illusion to be rich and famous, at all costs.
I politely bowed out of modeling the moment I turned down the casting call that day at the shipping terminal because I chose to be:
If I had chosen modeling or acting, I would have done so from:
- less than truthful
The Most Important Decision?
Choosing to continue being a security guard making a bit north of minimum wage over going down the potential Hollywood path may have been my most important decision because I chose freedom and love over being controlled and fear.
Deciding to be free and to do things from love became my habitual intent as I evolved from pier guard, to unemployed, to amateur blogger to professional blogger.
I learned the most critical lesson of my life after making that decision: your intent means everything.
I began modeling with the intent to:
- be loved
- be popular
- be attractive to women
- make money
- be famous
Each of these intents is fear. No one needs to look far to see how many models, actors and singers with similar intents become alcoholics, drug addicts, mentally ill and in some cases, even commit suicide.
Fear intent = madness, sadness and depression.
Working my security guard job felt fun to me. I secretly loved the gig. I had fun helping people. Working an easy job also gave me ample free time to find my direction in life. I traded stocks part time, enjoyed my long gym work outs daily and began training my mind. Choosing to love, choosing fun and choosing freedom above all else progressively brought me to where I was most:
I am here today to help you blog because I made that decision.
I chose the heart over the ego.
I chose intuition over logic.
I chose freedom over a potentially fat paycheck and needing to answer to an illusion known as entertainment, via agencies.
I decided to take the liberating, humble path versus walking the enslaving, soul-selling, ego-drunk path.
Nothing phases me because I live to have fun helping people. I do not live to serve myself.
Blogging-wise, the biggest shift is learning how to blog for others with no strings attached versus blogging for your own self-interests. Stat checkers vanish. Money grubbers disappear. Loving, caring leaders who have fun helping people rise to the top.
Deliberately think through my experience.
Trust your gut.
Blog and live to have fun helping people.
Liberate yourself from the nightmare of the ego and its struggles, sadness and madness.