His massive mandibles opened and closed slowly, beckoning me in so he could give me the sweet Scolopendra kiss of blinding pain, voluminous vomiting and all types of agonizing side effects.
I batted that Scolo SOB out of the crib into the garden.
Another night in paradise.
Yeah I love sharing practical tips for building your blog. But ya gotta see the *rest* of the story. And the REST of the story is more than me sipping coconut juice on the beaches of Fiji. Sweet deal for sure.
I want you to live vicariously through me. So if you are terrified to experience this stuff live and in your meat suit you can step inside my life – cyber-style – to see what is happening from day to day.
Animals Chiang Mai Thailand
A lot has been happening day to day here in Chiang Mai, Thailand. We live beside Doi Suthep National Park, a massive forest. After 4 days of steady rains, nature calls. And walks into your living room.
Enjoy these stories from my past few weeks. And feel free to change your undies at any time.
Battling – and Batting – an Angry Scolopendra Centipede
The monster Scolopendra centipede bolted into the kitchen.
Imagine 8 inches of Death. Or, Danger.
Spoke to enough folks and heard of more who tell of the excruciating pain associated with these pede’s bite.
I grabbed the doggy, pulled him from harm’s way, and proceeded to stalk the Scole. Even has he laughed me at with his mandible smile, all but saying “Nah Nah Nah! You can’t kill me!”
I tracked him to the living room. Snapped a few clear photos. Snapped a 1080 HD video. Branding Juice. Then I proceeded to bat/bludgeon him with the broom.
He Was Too Fast. REALLY f*cking fast! Not seen any sentient being like him. Similar to Usain Bolt on a crack cocaine/espresso/meth mix, this guy was lighting quick, aggressive as hell and about ready to sink his fangs into my farang booty.
10 minutes passed. Then 20. He was firmly tucked under a drawer in the corner. I gave up all hope to preserve his life. Grabbed a steel spade. Removed said desk. Bashed him with the STEEL SPADE. He glanced it off. Armor. Like a Sherman Tank. Scoffed at my puny attempt. Sprinted for the garden door.
At the perfect moment I batted him Babe-Ruth-Style out the door with the broom.
Crisis Solved. Although now I secure this place like Farang Fort Knox when going to bed.
Guiding A Hefty Scorpion out of the Kitchen
This hefty chap entered pincers first.
A 5 inch long black scorpion stumbled into the kitchen a few weeks ago. He looked punch drunk. Perhaps ate a bad cockroach, Lost. Forlorn. Maybe I am projecting.
Anyway, I grabbed the broom and swept Sammy Scorpion out, via the kitchen door. Pincers out, stinger poised, he made a series of feints and mock threats, but eventually followed my guidance toward the garden.
Note to self: NEVER walk barefoot in the garden. Ever. Note to you, too, Thailand Travelers.
Biblical Winged Termite Swarms
Sign of the Beast!
Biddulph thought he saw Beelzebub sprouting from the backyard.
A Biblical Swarm of winged termites blitzed the fluorescent light in the porch area. This happens regularly in SE Asia – experienced it in Bali – after it rains heavily for 2-4 days. Then, after 30 to 45 minutes, seemingly all the termites die. Or most of them, anyway, leaving a coating of translucent wings all over the area.
The winged termites go bonkers around the light as they are consumed by:
- Tokay geckos
- every other predator within shouting distance
We saw roaches, Tokays, scorpions and ants enjoying the feast as 3 stout frogs gorged themselves on the winged creatures.
Tokays in the Bedroom
I was sleeping with T-Enemy.
Those Tokays are friends because they eat scorpions and roaches and Scolopendra centipedes and anything of equal size.
One Tokay shacked up in the bedroom a few weeks back.
I since released said gecko to its fave feeding frenzy feast – the Biblical Swarm of Winged Termites – the other day but we felt like we went back like spinal chords. Long lost friend there. Because we live in the house WITH Tokays all over SE Asia during our trips.
What Say You?
Is this life bananas?
Share some of your crazy travel stories below.
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