His massive mandibles opened and closed slowly, beckoning me in so he could give me the sweet Scolopendra kiss of blinding pain, voluminous vomiting and all types of agonizing side effects.
I batted that Scolo SOB out of the crib into the garden.
Another night in paradise.
Yeah I love sharing practical tips for building your blog. But ya gotta see the *rest* of the story. And the REST of the story is more than me sipping coconut juice on the beaches of Fiji. Sweet deal for sure.
I want you to live vicariously through me. So if you are terrified to experience this stuff live and in your meat suit you can step inside my life – cyber-style – to see what is happening from day to day.
Animals Chiang Mai Thailand
A lot has been happening day to day here in Chiang Mai, Thailand. We live beside Doi Suthep National Park, a massive forest. After 4 days of steady rains, nature calls. And walks into your living room.
Enjoy these stories from my past few weeks. And feel free to change your undies at any time.
Battling – and Batting – an Angry Scolopendra Centipede
The monster Scolopendra centipede bolted into the kitchen.
Imagine 8 inches of Death. Or, Danger.
Spoke to enough folks and heard of more who tell of the excruciating pain associated with these pede’s bite.
I grabbed the doggy, pulled him from harm’s way, and proceeded to stalk the Scole. Even has he laughed me at with his mandible smile, all but saying “Nah Nah Nah! You can’t kill me!”
I tracked him to the living room. Snapped a few clear photos. Snapped a 1080 HD video. Branding Juice. Then I proceeded to bat/bludgeon him with the broom.
He Was Too Fast. REALLY f*cking fast! Not seen any sentient being like him. Similar to Usain Bolt on a crack cocaine/espresso/meth mix, this guy was lighting quick, aggressive as hell and about ready to sink his fangs into my farang booty.
10 minutes passed. Then 20. He was firmly tucked under a drawer in the corner. I gave up all hope to preserve his life. Grabbed a steel spade. Removed said desk. Bashed him with the STEEL SPADE. He glanced it off. Armor. Like a Sherman Tank. Scoffed at my puny attempt. Sprinted for the garden door.
At the perfect moment I batted him Babe-Ruth-Style out the door with the broom.
Crisis Solved. Although now I secure this place like Farang Fort Knox when going to bed.
Guiding A Hefty Scorpion out of the Kitchen
This hefty chap entered pincers first.
A 5 inch long black scorpion stumbled into the kitchen a few weeks ago. He looked punch drunk. Perhaps ate a bad cockroach, Lost. Forlorn. Maybe I am projecting.
Anyway, I grabbed the broom and swept Sammy Scorpion out, via the kitchen door. Pincers out, stinger poised, he made a series of feints and mock threats, but eventually followed my guidance toward the garden.
Note to self: NEVER walk barefoot in the garden. Ever. Note to you, too, Thailand Travelers.
Biblical Winged Termite Swarms
Sign of the Beast!
Biddulph thought he saw Beelzebub sprouting from the backyard.
A Biblical Swarm of winged termites blitzed the fluorescent light in the porch area. This happens regularly in SE Asia – experienced it in Bali – after it rains heavily for 2-4 days. Then, after 30 to 45 minutes, seemingly all the termites die. Or most of them, anyway, leaving a coating of translucent wings all over the area.
The winged termites go bonkers around the light as they are consumed by:
- frogs
- Tokay geckos
- cockroaches
- scorpions
- ants
- every other predator within shouting distance
We saw roaches, Tokays, scorpions and ants enjoying the feast as 3 stout frogs gorged themselves on the winged creatures.
Tokays in the Bedroom
I was sleeping with T-Enemy.
Not quite.
Those Tokays are friends because they eat scorpions and roaches and Scolopendra centipedes and anything of equal size.
One Tokay shacked up in the bedroom a few weeks back.
I since released said gecko to its fave feeding frenzy feast – the Biblical Swarm of Winged Termites – the other day but we felt like we went back like spinal chords. Long lost friend there. Because we live in the house WITH Tokays all over SE Asia during our trips.
What Say You?
Is this life bananas?
Share some of your crazy travel stories below.
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17 Comments
Exactly Natalie 🙂
Ryan
This is the stuff of nightmares! But, at least there is a copious amount of leisurely beach time and fresh coconut to counterbalance these creepy crawlies! 🙂
Sugar cubes Elena! Yikes….you had some weird geckos over in those parts LOL. Fried chicken would win over scorpion hopping with me too. Thanks for the comment 🙂
Ryan
Oh boy, I haven’t laughed so hard in a while. Good times in Chiang Mai, huh? Your stories brought some great memories from our life there. Hard to believe that it’s been almost three years since then. Black scorpions – yes, but in our case, they liked to “greet” us on the way to our favorite fried chicken vendor, so it was like “Hmm, do I want dinner so much that I risk a scorpion encounter?” Guess what, dinner always won. Geckos though were disappointing. Supposedly, they hunt some nasties, right? Well, geckos who decided to share an apartment with us thought otherwise. The only thing they were interested in were sugar cubes in the cupboard. First, I wondered why these cubes have such an odd shape. Then, I caught them in action. With sugar safely put into the plastic box, geckos instantly disappeared. Enjoy Chiang Mai! Looking forward reading more about your adventures there.
John this has been amazing. We are by Doi Suthep National Park – it’s the backyard – but really, not out in the sticks. Just so many critters flowing in. I think because we are located downhill and these guys need to venture through to head out of the jungle. Not sure why they would want to leave the jungle though LOL.
Ryan
I have been following along the past month or so, and I am always stunned by what has wandered into your domicile. I know we wouldn’t be able to turn out the lights and go to sleep. Haha. Keep on rockin, man!
Haha Nagesh it is Wild Kingdom here 🙂
Ryan
Centipedes,Tokays and Scorpion…….Oh dear I hate going to place like this. What can I say… brave. Nice Post
Terrifying indeed LOL!
Ryan
Now that’s a scary Centepede – I used to see them in my Grand Ma’s cottage. Never seen this big though !
LOL Donna once you head south of New Jersey things do tend to get dicey, bug game wise.
I became more comfy being around these guys just through living in the tropics for so long. That being said, I still sleep a bit restlessly after seeing that centipede in the house 😉
Thanks much.
Ryan
Hi Brave Man,
I may move a lot and travel here and there, but I just can’t get myself south of New Jersey because of those big scary bugs. And yes, I can live vicariously through your amazing adventures. But that’s what is so great about blogging. You can blog in the worst conditions lol.
You sure have had many crazy experiences and who know the kid from New Jersey would end up being a travel blogger ehh? But its an amazing thing. You can just pick and choose where you want to live and blog on….
You are so amazing at it that I don’t know where you ever get the time to write a blog post in between the battles of mother nature.
I truly admire you.
-Donna
The scorpion had great manners Ravi, LOL. He was the model house guest. As for the scary factor I just got a lot more used to these critters while living in the tropics for the last 6 years.
Thanks bro.
That dream comes with some nightmares Chris LOL.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Ryan
Hey Ryan,
OMG, how scary. Looking such scary creature near you, I got scared for a while. Glad to hear that you’re in Thailand and sharing your experience from there. Are you entertaining with scorpion, guiding him to go out from the kitchen. LOL 🙂
So you were surrounded by so many scary creatures. How can you stay like this, I can’t. Seems like you are crazy about traveling such wonderful and terrifying place. The story was really very interesting and I enjoyed it.
Thanks for sharing.
– Ravi.
Wow you sure are living the dream!
But I have to say that giant of a centipede looks terrifying! Not sure i’d want to come across one of those things!
Never mind the scorpion!
Thanks for the great post, glad i’ve come across your blog its great! Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Chris
I left a thought.