Evicting an 8 Inch Centipede in Thailand
As my 27 Netflix Travel Worthy Experiences continue I want to take you on an intense, terrifying journey I experienced while battling one of the world’s most aggressive predators, the Scolopendra centipede.
Jaws open. Jaws close.
The maniacal mandibles of an 8 inch long, primitive, fierce looking, quite terrifying centipede beckoned, prodded and all but begged me to come in closer.
He wanted meat. Farang meat.
Just 20 minutes earlier I noted something large scurrying across the kitchen floor. Every night I turned on the light around 6 PM when the sun set in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Critters could be afoot as we lived beside a national park for a few months while house sitting in the hills around the city. But I forgot to flip the switch that night.
Rain had crept in. A few big storms. Which of course mean the little and big buggies and snakes would be rummaging about soon.
The long, black shadow was too small to be a snake. The creature also moved way too quickly and in a bizarre fashion to be serpentine.
I hustled to the light switch, flipped it on and…..holy shit!
I yelled the words twice. Kelli gazed at me, flummoxed at my foreign aka farang tongue.
I grabbed Yoda the bulldog. Tossed him 5 feet, out of harm’s way. I then told Kelli how a centipede just blitzed through the kitchen. About 8 inches. She understood then, real quickly.
Kelli and Yoda barricaded themselves into the bedroom. I went on the hunt, gently poking and prodding beneath the couch where I last saw Spectacular Scolo. Or the Peeved Pede.
For those not in the know, the Scolopendra centipede is a huge, fierce, primitive-looking, highly aggressive creature which bites first, and ask questions later. Like something out of a horror movie, these guys are stupid fast, bold, ballsy, and have centipede chutzpah.
This guy felt my prodding and before climbing down a 5 foot wall from kitchen area to lounge area (different floor) he looks back at me as if to say “What the hell’s your problem?”
I sprint down the stairs and attempt to corner the centipede, to kick his rump out of the house.
Quick as an Olympic sprinter on a crack and Red Bull cocktail, Speedy Scolo flies across the room with that undulating, unnerving sprint that often makes YouTube video watchers pee their pants.
I was stunned. Seeing these guys gracing videos and images online was one thing. *Being* in the same room with one was entirely different. Scary, but also fun, I can be heard laughing loudly when trying to catch this sucker, recording some of these experience and uploading to YouTube.
I work him into one corner. The centipede begins to climb up the wall. Sees he is in “No Centipede’s Land” (arthropod, not homo sapien, reference) and quickly heads toward the couch.
He burrows into that area, giving me a moment to snap both the featured image up top and this impressing looking shot too.
He scurries to the corner and firmly ensconces himself below a shelf. Before then though, I flipped over all couches and chairs in the room. Keep him out in the open.
I lift the shelf. He heads toward the bathroom. I grab a spade. I bash him. Lift the spade. He looks up, wondering when I’m gonna start trying to kill him.
But I need to act quickly because he will be under some large, immovable object quickly, like a fridge……so I toss the spade, grab a broom and bat the centipede around the floor. Like a farang version of pede hocky.
After stunning him with a few blocks, I toss his metallic-like, armored coated body into the humid tropical air, like I’m serving him up, then bat him, Aaron Judge style, outside of the back porch door with a savage swat.
Before the ungulating beast scurries back into the home I slammed the door, locked it, slammed the screen door, locked that and exhaled.
Evicting a pede with some speed remains one of my top tropical feats.